Friday, 12 February 2010

Hey guys :)
Hows your last few weeks been. Gosh haven't posed in a while... a lot has happened I guess. I'm not sure, I can't really remember.. but I do know I have come up with lots of lovely foodie creations, lol! Erm.. well, I met with my N last week, got a new one. She was actually really reasonable, which was good. Oh yeah, basically, that week (last wed I think) I had gained 0.5kg (about a pound) in the week. Which is like the only time I've "officially" gained weight at home... BIG STEP! Well, I think she was happy with me but unfortunately I got really freaked and I guess I kinda started to restrict again.. not good :(

I'm not sure exactly coz i'm supervised for most meals, but I know I havent been hitting 1500 a day. I don;t really know what I have been hitting but I'm really worried, coz I maintained this past week but I think that was more to do with the fact that I had eaten lunch this time and I hadn't last time. Arghh, I hate this so much. Seriously, on the way home from school today I just randomly started crying. Basically, I had won this giant jar of sweets in a competition (oh the irony!) and I couldn't eat any of them. I felt so awful and abnormal, I was literally pleading with anorexia to just f*ck off and never come back. I hate this, I hate it, I hate, I hate it.

So yeah, not really a great time recently. Then there's the fact that school has finished for half term, (good for some) but my mum has gone away. Leaving me to stay with my dad. Now, don't me wrong, I love my dad, I really do. He's absolutaly awesome in my eyes, but he is also very trusting - meaning that ED feels it can get away with a lot around him. With my mum it's like no, she'll check and double check everything, I have to eat enough carbs, cals, fat etc at every meal. But with my dad, I really don;t think he'd object if I fixed myself an entire plate of veggies. :S Eugh, not good for me right now. Ho hum, anyways, I've been trying to keep up with the eating in some forms. Like last night I actually had RICE! Rice, yes thats right, a carb - and not just any carb, like my number one feared carb (along with pasta). Allbeit I didn't quite have a whole portion and mixed in loadsa stuff but still, this is big for me... like really big. And tomorrow i'm having choco spread on my toast, thats like unheard of in my world lol, Chocolate, for breakfast? What is this? :)

Just a short(ish) post today, I have been very busy but now it's half term I should be back pretty frequently, so look out for some more posts. Wow, I actually think people wanna know about my life? How sad I am lol. Anyway, I hope you all have a good day(s) and I shall write soon - reveal all about my choco brekky. Yum Yum. But for now I shall leave you with some lovely views of the highlights of my eats for the past weeks :)

This was a Good brekky - Toast with mango, strawberry, blackberries, cottage cheese and Almond Butter.

   Then theres The Rice :) - Mixed in some chicken, feta, peas, scrambled egg and tomato. So so good, pretty damn scary though!!

Tonight's dinner of A corn wrap, stuffed with a crumbled sesame burger. chicken, alfalfa sprouts, and some melted mozzarella. Yummmmy :) - had it with some tuna and mayo

Thanks for reading :) 
Night night 
xoxo Maria


  1. It's really good you are getting out of your comfort zone. I did the same today but not in the same way, mine was more food I'd never tried and some of it looked kinda scary! I went to Yum Cha with Andy and some of his friends. I mean seriously, duck tongue, lol! I thought it was chocolate sticks, he he he! You're doing really really well. Don't listen to ED, he will lead you astray at every turn.

  2. I agree with Sairs. It's not worth listening to the ED. I'm glad you can recognise that your dad's approach is not helping your recovery, maybe you could tell him that you need more encouragement? Sometimes parents don't really know the best way to help unless you tell them.

    Don't give up and keep challenging yourself, you are doing a great job. Maybe someday soon you might allow yourself a sweet from that jar? ;)

    Sarah x