Lets hit the shops :]

Good day today... that's pretty much all I can say. It started well and ended well and the bits in the middle were pretty damn fun :) I woke up nice and early but me being really odd had to lie in bed till my alarm (I have a thing about getting up before it). After lying in bed for like half an hour I got up and went downstairs to make my lovely breakfast under the watchful eye of my darling mother (totally not being sarcastic or anything lol). 

I went out a bit later to meet my friends and then WE HIT THE SHOPS :) Wow seriously, i'd forgotten how fun shopping was. It was great coz I didn't feel really tired and have to sit down all the time. Although I was still an ice block. Ah welll, I guess you can't have everything.

I bought some absolutely amazing pair of nude heels that we just so lovely I HAD to wear them for the rest of the day. Haha, feet are a bit sore now, but it was totally worth it. After visiting a few clothes shops and concluding that I looked absolutely gross in everything and everyone was staring at me in the changing room (not good staring, like bad staring) we decided that clothes probably weren't going to be the best thing for me to be buying right now and so we moved on to bigger and better things.. Namely lunch. So, to Marks and Spencer's we went. And then to starbucks so my friend to get her daily fix of cheese and Marmite panini. Can't say it looked greatly appetizing, but hey... This coming from the person who eats chicken and Almond Butter! Haha. Well, after lunch it was unanimously decided that we should go to the Disney store (seriously, we're like little kids in there!) and when we arrive we found stacks of bowls and mugs that were just calling to us. Sooooo... We all got a bowl (and some got a bowl AND a mug, but I thought that was a bit ott) in preparation for our oatmeal fest at half term. Mine is blue and looks like eeyore, and I am soo looking forward to eating my oats out of it tomorrow. I mean like wow, its fab, it even has a tail. I don't care if I seem like a 4 year old, I have a bowl with a tail dammit! 

So we took our bowls (and newly rekindled childhood spirit) to the nearest homeware store, this one happened to be habitat. And there we commenced planning our future homes and taking pictures while sitting at our future furniture. Me and my friend found this table which we think would go brilliantly in our modern home (Yes I know it seems childish but hey, its fun!)...

When our planning was over we were just about to go home when I got a call from my mother saying that she had opened the cupboard and DUN DUN DUN... smashed the almond butter! Wow, I seriously almost died. (By this point most shops had shut and I didn't think I would be able to survive a whole day with no almond butter). So, I sprinted (and I mean flat out sprint) all the way to the other side of town and to the only health food store for miles... Holland and Barratt. I cannot explain how relieved I was to find it open, I was tempted to kiss the cashier! Lol, well they didn't have my usual brand but I managed to get some Meridian, I dunno if I really like it actually. I can't remember what  type I usually get, but I know its label is in German! Haha... what kind do you all use? Anyway, the day was saved and now I can go to sleep safe in the knowledge that my breakfast tomorrow will be lovely and just how I like it :)

So, the eats of today. Pretty good actually. For breakfast I had;

Carrot Cake Oats ~ Old fashioned oats cooked with soya milk and carrots. Topped with a "icing" of maple syrup and greek yogurt, with blueberries, almond butter and some coconut. 

Then for lunch I had a Chicken Salad with Vietnamese style dressing from M&S (Forgot to take a pic sorry!)

Dinner was a repeat of last night. Still damn good tho...

Spanish Omelette ~ Egg white omelette topped with tomato's, chicken, shallots, pepper, pea's and bean sprouts. Then to follow I had a slice of toast with almond butter and grapes (yum yum)

Anyways, I'm very tired and have to be up early to make my breakfast in my new bowl and go to school! So I think it's time for bed. Night all.

Maria

<3 xoxo

31.01.10

Well, today was umm really not very eventful actually. I've just sort of sat at home and not really done much. Of course I went out for my daily walk... this time to Sainsbury's to get some more carrots, and Greek Yogurt ... We were almost out :O <-- Dunno how I would survive without my Greek Yog haha.
Yeah so nothing really to report, haven't been feeling to great lately, and not knowing my weight is really hard, i'm just getting used to the whole "once a week weigh-in" thing, even as IP I still got to know it twice a week! Arghh, it's so frustrating not knowing where i'm at. I really hope I won't have like massively gained. I know thats like a really stupid thought coz it'll only be water weight (I mean c'mon, no one gains REAL weight on 1500 kcal a day!) but there's still that stupid ED voice that just won't listen to reason. Anyways... I'm looking forward to tomorrow, going shopping with my mates :) I went a while back but at that point I was a) Ill and b) Extremely tired and worn out through lack of food. Hopefully tomorrow will be better though. Wooo... I'm thinking some lovely spending. Teehee :P

Oh yeah.. today's eats. Well for breakfast I was going to have carrot-cake oats. BUT I got downstairs and opened the fridge and DUN DUN DUN... we had no carrots!! Epic fail. So, I had to had a re-think. Now, for a normal person this would be fine, they'd just be like "no problem, I'll have it some other time". But not for me, oh no.
I'm not great with change on the best of days, and today it was early and I was already stressed about body image etc etc, meaning that ED just jumped at the chance to make me restrict. All I could think was how I couldn't have what I wanted so I wasn't going to eat. End of. Eugh... It took me a full 30 minutes of planning and bargaining with essentially myself to decide that actually I COULD have breakfast (even if it didn't have carrots lol). So yeah, I ended up having...

Blueberry Cake Oats :) Basically the same and carrot cake oats (still having them tomorrow tho yum yum) but with blueberries.  ~ Old fashioned oatmeal cooked in soy milk, with blueberries, maple syrup and tsp almond butter. Oh and some "icing" of yogurt with  a bit more maple syrup. 


So, after an initial rocky start the day actually went quite well. Unfortunately I forget to take a picture of Lunch (and Dinner :O) but they were pretty nice as well. For lunch I had Spanish Omelette ~ Pepper, chicken, tomato, pea's and onion all served up on a lovely egg white omelette. 


Then dinner, I had a Chicken-style roast (made with soya and seasonings)... with tomato and some more chicken. - Haha, chicken  style roast and then chicken, Gosh how odd. Followed by Fruity Yogurt Mess ~ Greek yogurt, Cottage cheese, blueberries, grapes, maple syrup and some more almond butter :) Yum yum.

So all in all a pretty average day. But I shall be sure to take photos of my meals tomorrow (well I'll TRY and remember teehee :P ) Now, time for bed I think.

Night night 

Maria xoxo

Moving On Up

Well, I had a lovely meeting with my doctors today (not seeing my N till next week) and as a team me and my whole family decided that something needed to be done. Somehow, over the last week I have lost 1.4kg (about 3lbs) and so am now being threatened with yet another inpatient treatment, and consequently sectioning. Well, I think not. Never going back there, EVER. I need to be out here with my friends and get my life back. So basically came up with a plan.

I have a new target of 1500kcals a day (doesn't seem like much but its more than i've been having) and then next week my N will decide what to do depending on my weight etc etc. Also, I must be watched at all my meals, including preparation. Which I actually think will be really helpful because then, even when ED is telling me to restrict, I can't, so HA, in your face stupid ED!!

It's really weird, i'm actually looking forward to tomorrow. A fresh start on the road to recovery :) I can finally start to gain back some weight and get to a place that is healthy and that I can stick at without feeling bad. It's gonna be a long road but I guess getting on its the first step. So here goes...

Maria xoxo

Definitely Time For A New Start

Hey :)

Well I guess I started this blog because i'm sick of where I'm at. I'm 15, and an anorexic in recovery but recently I haven't really been doing much of the old "recovering" bit. I left inpatient back at the beginning of December and I guess I never really carried on improving, actually scrap that, I've just plain gone backwards. 

Although I'm not  at a really bad weight right now, I have lost since leaving IP bringing me down to a 15-16 bmi. Which I (being me) know is not healthy and I need to work on, unfortunately ED is telling me that it is a perfectly good weight and I shouldn't even think about increasing my intake. Well, you know what, Screw You ED. You've taken everything away from me, I lost touch with so many friends and had to give up my one passion, rowing. And it's all because of this stupid voice that really just doesn't know when to shut up. So yeah, I'm tired and frustrated of this constant internal battle that right now I seem to be losing. So I thought I should see what support I could get from others like me. And here we are, I saw how many people blogged and all the food looked so great and everyone seemed so nice that I just thought, what the hell! Go for it, it might just be what you need to get you back on track and back to the person you used to be!

Thankyou for reading my ramblings, I'm sure they'll be plenty more in weeks to come. And your welcome to comment if you want to chat or w/e, I'm always up for meeting new people!. 

Maria xoxo